Not Exactly Eden
by Lugosi
Summary: A gift for Bionca. What would happen if Bionca and I could spend a day just ONE day in Isaac's Gatlin? apologies in advance


Okay, last humor story, I promise… for a while, anyway. I don't own Isaac or Malachi or any of that stuff. Stephan King, movie people, and some actors do… I don't own Bionca because she owns herself. I do own Jesse because I AM Jesse. I wrote this because my dearest Bee was feeling sad and I wanted her to feel better… so no flames, k?

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            **T**he heat of the summer Nebraska sun burned down on the two dark haired girls as they walked through the quiet, empty streets, unsure of exactly where they were.

  The first girl, Bionca, was fourteen. Her hair was shoulder-length and medium brown. Her wide eyes were aqua, that green/blue color of the sea. Her skin was pasty, her pink lips were thin, and she never wore makeup (unless you count body glitter which she is almost always warring). She dressed in a rainbow stripped tank-dress, her favorite, and plain white sneakers and socks.

  The second girl, Jesse, was fourteen. Her hair was chin-length and cherry-colored and her eyes were a yellowish green and had black liquid eyeliner caked around them. Her skin was powdery white, like snow, although she wore no makeup (besides the eye stuff). She dressed in a black tank top and black mini-skirt with red plaid pleats and red plaid bondage straps and black knee-tall boots with a whole mess of bracelets/wrist cuffs/ect. and a black choker with a red strike down the center and metal cone spikes.

  Bionca shielded her eyes from the sun with her hand while Jesse just squinted through, her arms unpleasantly crossed over her chest.

  "Trust us to get lost in a ghost town," Jesse grunted. Bionca turned to her, slowly, and tipped her head to the side saying: –

  "Ghost town? But I didn't see any ghosts. I don't see _anybody_."

  Jesse just nodded, understanding her queer friend. Bionca turned back to the town and began to call out random names in the hope that someone would answer: "Bob… Jim… Peter… Henrietta… Francis… Steven… George… Tim… Isaac…"

  She stopped, abruptly, after that last name… and stood very still.

  "What? What is it?" Jesse asked, looking at her friend. Bionca raised a pale arm and pointed towards a building.

  "There's a boy hiding behind that building who thinks we can't see him in broad daylight." Bionca responded, quietly.

  Jesse followed Bionca's gaze… and saw the kid, too. He looked older then the two girls… His hair was shoulder-length and as red as ketchup… and he had dark brown eyes… and normal toned skin… he dressed funny, though; in a plaid shirt and trousers. Of course, the punk/goth and her unique friend probably looked very strange to him, though.

  "Hey, ugly guy!" Bionca called. Jesse winced. "Yeah, you, uh huh, redhead, yep, you, yes, yuppers, yeah, yup, you… could you, maybe, help us, please?"

  The redhead didn't look very happy… infact; he looked downright angry! But he didn't move… and, a new boy pushed past him. This boy was _younger_ then the girls… he looked about thirteen… though he was very short. His hair was black and trimmed short and his eyes were green with an explosion of yellow around the pupils. He dressed in, what would be, a little black suit, were it not for the fact that his pants were brown… this boy walked right up to the teenage girls, his hands with the fingers laced together rested pleasantly on his chest.

  "Hello, children," Said the boy when he was standing right before them. "I… am Isaac Chroner."

  "Oh my God!" Bionca cried, grabbing Jesse's arm and yanking it free of the death grip she'd had around herself. "It's so _CUTE!_"

  "How do you figure?" Jesse responded, in her usual angsty manner.

  Isaac cleared his throat to draw the girls' attention back to him.  "Um… my name is Isaac… and I am not an 'it', thank-you-very-much."  
  "Aww, I think he's grumpy." Bionca glowed.

  "No, NOW… children, I must welcome you to our happy town of Gatlin… as He Who Walks Behind the Rows does, and wishes you, the innocent children, to join our pure and untainted community of–"

  "Can I hug you?" Bionca interrupted, finally speaking to Isaac as if he were a person.

  "No–"

  "Please?"

  "No."

  "Pretty please?"

  "No."

  "Pretty please with sugar and ice cream on top?"

  "No."

  "Pretty please with sugar and ice cream and _glitter_ on top?"

  "No."

  "Pretty please with sugar and ice cream and glitter on top and for the sake of care bears?"

  "Well, if it's for the sake of care bears…" Isaac pondered aloud. But he didn't get to finish his thought before the girl who-obvious-spent-too-much-time-playing-with-her-rainbow-bright-when-she-was-little pounced on him.

  Isaac cried out, tackled to the ground, and Bionca rubbed her cheek against his sweetly, purring like a baby kitten.

  "You're… crushing… me…" Isaac choked out, desperate for air.

  Bionca didn't seem to notice.

  "Um, Bee, sweetie," Jesse said, carefully. "Perhaps you should let the hick up, now, okay?"

  Bionca growled in response.

  "Yes… Bee… listen… to your… friend…" Isaac said, wiggling as much as he possibly could.

  Bionca hesitated, huffed a sigh, then grumbled: "_Okaaaaaaaaaaaay_," and finally got off of Isaac, leaving him free to breathe the precious air his brain so desperately needed to continue functioning which he needed it to do so he would not die.

  Isaac shot to sit up and took in many, many long gulps of air… before he finally seemed to catch his breath and stood up again. "Now, where was I?"

  "Somethin' about He Who Whores on the Corner of 5th and Maple… or something rather of," Jesse said, crudely. "We really don't care."

  "No!" Bionca contradicted. "It was He Who Waltz on Your Toes."

  "Or He Who Wakes Beside the Road." Jesse shot back.

  "Or He Who Washes Car Windows."

  "Or He Who Wares Pantyhose."

  "_STOP THIS!_" Isaac cried, ripping the girls from their little game. "Stop this blasphemy at once! Thou shalt never take the Lord's name is vein!"

  "Who? He Who Wares Pantyhose?" Bionca asked, innocently.

  "Yes!" Isaac screamed. "I mean, NO! I mean… He Who Walks Behind the Rows, you ditz!"

  There was a short pause before Bionca's eyes welled up and her lips began to quiver. "T-t-hat midget called me-e a ditz!"

  "Gangster Goth Midget," Jesse corrected, sizing Isaac up slowly.

  "Fine," Bionca said, crossing her arms over her chest and turning her back to Isaac. "Well, then, I don't like you either… and the purple _Tellitubby_ is still cuter then you are, too!" she said this as if it were an insult.

  "Okay," Isaac said arching a brow… but before he could say another word; Bionca whirled around and threw her arms around the corn child.

  "Oh! I forgive you, Issy!" she declared. "And I know you didn't mean what you said about me being a ditz… and I didn't mean what I said about the purple tellitubby, either."

  "Unhand me, fiendish child!" Isaac cried, pushing at the girl who held him so tightly.

  "Oh! You don't like being so high up? Okay." Bionca set him back down.

  Once on the ground, Isaac crossed his arms over his chest, huffed, and stuck out his bottom lip in a very displeased expression. "Now would you kindly listen to my 'He Who except you blah, blah, blah' speech? Or do I have to tell Malachi that there will be new sacrifices tonight?"  
  Malachi, still standing behind the building thinking no one could see him just _standing there_ in broad daylight smiled, hopefully, his eyes growing wide and joyous.

  "_Ooooo!_" Bionca's mouth turned into a perfect O as she moaned in interest. "Can we play with Malachi? Please, please, please, please, please?!"

  "Yes!" Malachi hissed, happily, from afar.

  "No," Isaac barked… but Bionca was already past him and on her merry way with Jesse following curiously.

  When Malachi saw them coming, he dived behind the building, cleverly thinking that they'd _never_ see him there… and almost shrieked when Bionca turned the corner with Jesse right on her tail.

  "Hi!" Bionca squeaked. Malachi, without thinking, dived into the building… it was an old clothing store, the racks still stuffed with decade old dresses and suits and makeups and colognes and perfumes and other such items.

  He hid inside one of these clothes racks, looking out under the ends of the dresses… waiting for them to enter so that he could jump on them and slit their throats.

  Low and behold; moments later he saw the pasty legs with the white sneakers and socks scrunched down and the legs cloaked in black imitation leather boots of the two teenagers step through the door.

  They stopped only about two foot steps away from the door… it would have been a better shot if they'd gone deeper, but Malachi figured it was good enough, and jumped out from behind the rack of clothes with a battle cry and his knife raised high, ready to land it hard in the green-eyed girl's head.

  They looked at him, lunging out of the clothes, and calmly stepped aside so his knife hit the wooden counter and went deep into it.

  Emerald and aqua eyes watched him from the two pale faces, emotionlessly. It angered his even more… he expected them to be scared or surprised or _something!_ Not pale faced zombies…

  "Um, is your knife stuck?" Bionca asked, pointing limply at the counter.

  Malachi looked back, realizing he'd been staring at the two girls for a long time, and then began to tug at it… it didn't budge… he tugged at it again… nothing… so he tugged at it again and again and again and again… it barely moved.

  He cried out it rage, his face turning redder then his hair, and was shocked when a pale white hand was set on top of his big clumsy hand and wrapped around the knife's handle, as well. He looked up at Jesse, sneering.

  Who did she think she was to help him? He didn't need a women's help!

  But, believe it or not, when he gave it another tug and she tugged too and it came out.

  He was so shocked that he didn't think to attack them before her grasp grew tighter and she yanked the hunting knife away from him.

  "Hey!" he cried.

  Jesse looked it up and down, making the blade catch the little light that spilt in through the insanely dusty windows. "Dude, don't you ever clean this thing? There's caked on dried blood all over it! It doesn't cut as well like that, you know."

  "Give it back!" he cried, reaching for it. She turned away from his grasp. "It's _my_ knife!"

  "Hey, you tried to kill us with it," Jesse said, her eyes becoming slits. "I'll just be making sure you don't try that again."

  "HEY!" Bionca cried, destroying the seemingly serious scene before the comedy in this fic was disturbed too deeply. "You know something, Jesse… Malachi would make such a pretty lady."

  "Are you _nut?_" Jesse hissed. Bionca winked at her… and Jesse slowly began to understand. "Oh! I see… you know what, you may just be right…" a devilish smile creased both their lips and Bionca reached to a side table, grasping up a lipstick. "… Maybe we should find out."

  "No!" Malachi cried as the girls advanced on him. "No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

  **O**utside, Isaac fidgeted.

  Those two girls had been inside that building with Malachi for so long… he would have gone to stop whatever they were doing long ago, were it not for the fact that he was totally terrified of what would be waiting for him.

  Finally, he got up his courage, and began a steady pace towards the building… but, as his hand wrapped around the doorknob, he felt his courage draining away. Quickly, before it was gone, he jerked the door open.

  He was greeted by giggling.

  The girls were still alive.

  "Malachi?" he called, weakly… and heard more giggling. He began, slowly, to creep towards the source of the giggling. "… Malachi?"

  Around the cloths rack, inbetween two tables of perfumes, around another clothes rack… and, before he knew it, the source of the giggling was right beyond one last corner.

  "No! No!" He heard the brunette cry. "This shade is so much better!"

  The other one laughed. "_Ack! _You're right, I'm wrong, sorry."

  "Untied me you dirty whores!" Malachi's voice… sounding angry… and, maybe, even, in _pain!_

  Isaac swallowed hard, images of dozens of different horrible tortures running through his mind. What could they _possibly _be doing to poor Malachi?

  He had to see… he had to save his most loyal follower! Taking a deep breath, Isaac spun around and turned to face the bloody scene… but it was much more horrible then Isaac, himself, could have ever imagined.

  Malachi was tied to a chair by at least three-dozen neckties, which were tied together to make rope. There was a frilly, bushy pink dress thrown on over his clothes… it's long sleeves and long skirt covered up his manly clothes. His hair was primed and curled and in two ponytails, one on either side of his head. There was sky blue eye shadow behind his eyes, a light taint of eyeliner, fake eyelashes done up in mascara, dark pink blush powdered on his cheeks to bring out his cheekbones, and, at that very moment, Bionca was just finishing applying a cherry red lip-liner to his scarlet painted lips while Jesse finished tying the right ponytail.

  Isaac stood, petrified, for a long time… looking at the blood thirsty bastard son of a bitch he knew so well to be a ruthless warrior… down up in women's clothing and makeup… and… well… he really did look like a girl.

  "Hello, Issy!" Bionca cried chipperly, putting the cap back on the lip liner.

  "Come to join the party?" Jesse asked wickedly.

  Isaac was too stunned to answer.

  "He's almost done," Jesse continued. "You can always be next."

  "Bite your tongue," Bionca said, waving her hand, then she stopped short. "Wait… no… don't do that… it would hurt if you bit your tongue… so don't… I don't want you to be in pain."

  "Untie me or I'll put you both in a whole lot of pain!" Malachi cried.

  "If we _did_ untie you, you would put us in a whole lot of pain, _Mon Cheri_." Jesse responded, giving his ponytail a painful tug. He yelped but did not say another word.

  "We're done!" Bionca cried, then skipped away to the opposite wall and turned a mirror around so that it would be facing Malachi. "Now, see yourself! Aren't you just _beautiful_now?"

  "I have to admit; he makes a much better woman the man," Jesse said, modestly. "… Though he's still butt-ugly."

  Malachi just screamed in sheer horror… and then went mute.

  "THAT'S IT!" Isaac shouted at the top of his lungs, turning all head towards him. "GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT! GET OUT OF GATLIN AND NEVER, EVER, EVER, NEVER COME BACK! _EVER!!_"

  "Aww… but I wanna meet the followers, first!" whined Bionca.

  "Why?" Isaac hissed.

  "So that we can teach them the Seven Dirty Words You Can't Say On TV," Jesse responded with a satisfied smile.

  "OUT!!!" Isaac thundered again.

  Bionca frowned, her mouth beginning to say the word "please", but before she could, Jesse threw her arm around her dear friend's shoulders and began to bring her out the building. "Come on, Bee, it's for the best."

  "Oh, all right," Bionca huffed sadly… then, her face grew brighter. "Let's go hang out in Hemingford! We can ask the Come Sleep With Me lady why she's so horny and shove pies in Mrs. Burke's ears for safe keeping!"

  … And as these two girls set out for Hemingford, and Isaac took Malachi to get cleaned up, a car drove into Gatlin carrying passengers by the names of Burt and Vicki and a young boy named Micah would watch his life begin to change forever… on a trip that would bring him, ironically, straight to – everybody with me now – HEMINGFORD! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

**Le Fin**


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